Don't interrupt me please

Previously I had mentioned that few things irritate me beyond all belief. Liberals, Obama, the state of Illinois and people who freaking interrupt me when I am trying to help them. I understand that when people are excited or have questions about something they want to talk, but when you ask someone a question to which you do not know the answer shut the f*&$ up when you want a response. I had someone today ask me a question and then cut me off 5 times in the span of me responding with one sentence. If you already know the answer then why speak to me?

Speaking of awesome conversations today I had a lady call me and request a stuffed eagle for a church ceremony. First off, what kind of church needs a stuffed eagle? Second, wth are they doing with it?

My response was, "Wait a sec ma'am I am going to transfer you to our stuffed eagle dept."

This is just one of many outstanding examples of comical calls I get from day to day! More to come!

Unconditional Love

I have a horrible confession to make and that is that certain foods wreck my insides. For instance, yesterday I was trying to be a good fiance by eating left overs out of the fridge. Well in my crusade against left overs I came up against about of pound of delicious maple cured baked beans. I devoured them with extreme prejudice without forethought of the consequences. Hours later my tummy started a rumbling and I began to feel some pressure. I have now been suffering for hours with the worst gas I have every had PERIOD. I mean I have had bad gas before, but I seriously thought I may die. I kept running to the bathroom and outside trying to save my soon to be wife from a painful biological weapon grade death. She claimed with great zest that she still loves me anyway. A woman that can handle that proves her Unconditional Love for me cause I could hardly stand myself last night.

Moral of the story is take a handful of beano before nomming a pound of beans. Or people will end up like this cow.

Lightning = Death to Electronics

Last night was a very sad night in the Barrick/Nida residence we sustained two fatalities of the electronic kind. During our massive storm last night that resembles hordes of paparazzi flashbulbing us to death our cable company sustained as lightning strike. Believing that our prized TV's were protected by surge protectors I worried little as I played with our furry love child Ava on the floor. Even with both units off and surge protections Zeus cast down a bolt of doom from the peaks of Mt. Olympus striking the cable box and thus surging through not the power, but coaxial cable lines. Heat was felt and the ground shook in the apartment as the horrible moment occurred, lights flickered and Ava roared... (Have I painted a good picture here?) I immediately check for damage and I found two critically injured flat-screens, I began first aid on them, but to no avail. For their hearts had been snuffed out an early age of 1 and a half and 6 months. Having no other recourse I pronounced time of death at 18:45 EST 10 June 2011.

Lesson 1: Lightning surges through any conductor, not just power lines.
Lesson 2: Make sure your cable lines have surge protectors on them. Nice ones have that feature.
Lesson 3: State Farm insurance is amazing.
Lesson 4: Ava doesn't like lightning.
Lesson 5: Matt doesn't like his TV's dying....
Lesson 6: I want to fight Zeus.

Testing will occur next week, please study so I don't have to cast a lightning bolt onto you.

Hearing Aids and Using Facilities on the Clock

I know it has been a long break between my blogs, but now I feel like I have some items to really discuss.

Hearing Aids- I feel bad, I mean I am sympathetic for people with hearing issues. Sometimes I have a hard time hearing, but if you can't hear consistently and you have to have people scream at you before you hear what they are saying... It is time to get hearing aids. I have people call me all the time at work and they can't hear anything... I am not talking about screaming kids in the background or a trailing rumbling underneath my desk, but still, perfect silence all around and they can't hear me worth a crap. Now my Grandmother has the same issue. 80+ years old and deaf as a rock, but refuses to get hearing aids, you can hear her TV 4 houses down in the summer when the windows are open. Holy crap I just got a call where I had to spell words to a lady with the military alphabet because she was so hard of hearing. I need to just start forward these people to a hearing aid company.

Facilities on the Clock- It is a not so public debated event, but much discuss in my circle of friends and that is using you're works bathroom facilities while on the clock. Lets be honest guys we enjoy our time on the porcelain throne especially if we get to take a book or magazine. I am glad to report that my friends and I do enjoy this time, but as the picture below shows you have to quickly and covertly evade and escape the eyes of your co-workers, for they know what your intent is and silent mock and judge you as you walk down the halls of your office. The key to success is to be proud, walk tall, and make sure you find a secondary bathroom where you can be discrete if you had Mexican the night before. ENJOY!

Rampage- I have unfortunately come to the conclusion that most people anger the hell outta me most days. It never ceases to amaze me how cranky, whiny, nit picky, and crazy people can be over the smallest things. People want everything you have available for no charge. Then they want to return everything for a full refund. I feel especially bad for one of my friends today in the office cause this client just about brought her to tears today. People don't understand that there are somethings we can't refund them for, but people get so petty about things. This has been the day for having complete idiots to call and say the most ridiculous things. They say that kids say the darndest things, well adults say the most asinine things.